Friday, December 25, 2009

Another Update, I guess.

So it’s X-mas, I’m too lazy to type Christmas all the time. So far the divorce is going, well good. Since I’ve cut her out completely I haven’t really thought about her, been too busy. I guess that’s life never stopping. Been working on my truck, will get some pics when I get it done, I hope. Good news it is above freezing, bad news is I have a puddle of ice water under the truck about three inches deep.

I have a second interview Monday. It is for a very part time job, but is better than nothing. And nothing is all that is hiring here. So anything is better than nothing.

Household repairs are coming along slowly. I fixed part of the bathroom floor, got another section to replace, and have to build or get some new shelves. That may take a bit.

Tomorrow I am going to try and work on my truck some more. Really it needs some air in the tires, and the gas tank installed. Everything after that is me playing I think. Not necessary but little jobs I want to do, like the inside door panels, wiring a radio, and hooking up some electrical stuff.

So job and car coming along nicely I think. Not bad for just starting the second week, and dealing with the holidays. Also maintaining a personal life sort of.

I’ve been talking with a younger woman, like 7 or 8 years younger than myself on the phone. She seems sweet, and I enjoy talking with her. We haven’t met yet, but are talking about it soon. I’m not rushing anything, and have no expectations.

So I’ve been busy. I have got to do a little hunting, and got nothing yet.

I really helped myself by realizing, it wasn’t my choice for it to be over. A while back I was thinking, about how I was treated, with her cheating on me and such. I justified her actions, thinking it was me. But she hurt me, and she knew it was going to hurt me. It happened before. She cheated, well not technically according to her, when she broke up with me years ago she spent that very weekend with another man to whom she had been talking. So I’ve went through heart ache twice, I always let her justify it. But I wouldn’t do that to her, I want someone who will be as dedicated to me as I am to them. So she can’t fulfill that, she didn’t and doesn’t care.

So by thinking over everything, she doesn’t deserve me. I don’t want a history of her changing lovers when she gets bored with them looming over me. That and our dogs were like our children. Honestly, and she just gave them up. She gave up our kids. She gave them up because she couldn’t take care of them and have her relationship.

How can I be with someone that could give up their dogs, whom we have loved for almost 6 years? I can’t. She just gave it all up. Perhaps it was time for her to be selfish . . . no I can’t justify it, it was wrong. I wasn’t perfect, I admit that, but it takes two to make a relationship to work. She gave up; I deserve someone that won’t give up in the hard times.

But I rant. Thinking about things has really helped. That and staying busy. I was surprised the other day when I realized how long it had been since I thought about her. I think about my dogs and hope they are in great new homes, I think about my house I miss, but not her.

Things are getting better. I have new goals, budding independence on a new level, and my own life. I’m thinking of stopping smoking, but not until after the first of the year. That will be another battle. Right now I’m just hoping for a good night’s sleep, and a productive day.

I’m doing it. If I can, you can, anyone can. Thinking about it from a third part perspective can help.

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